Umm.. hey… call me maybe?

 

It’s 8:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night and I’m sitting in my room with my great-grandmothers sweater on looking like an old Jewish woman and feeling somewhat like the butt of someone’s joke. Not a bad joke, in fact quite the opposite because I myself can find humor in my story. I’ve been seeing a man, who I will refer to as Diablo (for privacy purposes of course, not because he’s the devil) on and off for the past five months. We get into this routine where he’s super sweet to me during our casual movie and dinner nights and then he swoons me into his bed and I think, “Well this must mean we’re dating.” Wrong, so, so wrong.

Look, I’m a 20 something year old and I’m not getting any younger and although I don’t want to marry this man (marriage is the last thing on my mind) I’m at an age where I want to be in a loving and mature adult relationship, or at least one where the man acknowledges me as his lady.

Is that so much to ask for? Apparently, because tonight I asked him via text where we stood? A question I’ve asked a million times and each time he throws me the same bullshit response- and all I can say is oh dear lord when will I learn?!

Me: Hey random question… are we dating? I’m not trying to be weird but I’m just asking because I got asked out today and I told the guy no, I’m dating someone… but then I thought to myself, wait am I? So I thought I’d ask…

Diablo: I mean it’s okay with me.. I’m not seeing anyone if that’s what you’re asking

 **** Inner thoughts: Way to avoid the question?!? I’m not asking if you are seeing someone, ace. I’m asking if you want to just see me.****

Me: I know you aren’t and neither am I… but what I’m asking is are we exclusive?

Diablo: It’s okay with me if you want to date other people.

****Inner thoughts: Go fuck yourself, why would I date someone else? That’s not what I’m asking****

 Me: You are such a pain in the ass

 Diablo: Ok… I’m sorry

 Me: Okay well I do want to date you but I guess we can just fuck instead. Do you want to schedule me in for tomorrow- how’s your sex-tinerary looking for this week?

Me being an incredibly witty gal I thought my last comment was quite clever. Evidently he disagreed with my comedic timing because when I called Diablo to make sure he knew I was just teasing he said; “Babe, can I call you later, I’m picking my fantasy basketball team right now.” Three things: First, rude. Second, why do men give pet names to women when they aren’t dating, its gross and misleading? And third, what in the hell is it with men of our generation and these fantasy games? I swear a lady could walk into a room naked and if her man happened to be watching a sports game or jerking off to fantasy football or basketball they wouldn’t even notice her.

It’s the elephant in the room and I’m sure all of you sane minded pupils out there reading this have probably been saying it under your breathe; “Okay idiot, stop hanging out with him.” You’re right and I would be saying the same thing too if I were in your shoes. There’s really no debate, if you want something to stop then you cut it cold turkey. At the end of the night I unfortunately bring out the douche bag in him and he brings out the push over in me. We aren’t compatible and I know this, I know this very well. So, what will I do? I’ll avoid all contact with him and he will with me until he gets horny again and decides he’d like to romance me once more. And at that point (unless I’m horny as well- jk) I’ll have to refuse his offerings. Sad thing is he’s a really great guy; he’s sweet, smart, handsome, successful, and funny…. So if we don’t work together I bid him farewell wishing him the best and the most loving future, as I always do.